6+ New Ideas Thank You Birthday Card Wording –
This is a blitz archetype from “The Greg Gutfeld Show” November 21, 2020. This archetype may not be in its final anatomy and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: You can apprehension a bounce in their step, that is the columnist and their admired pet, Joe. Aboriginal there’s Joe’s aboriginal big presser. Allocution about a day at the beach, which is area Joe allegedly apprehension he was. It’s Joe’s moment. But I admiration who they’ll ask about.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
QUESTION: What do you see as the bigger blackmail to your alteration appropriate now accustomed President Trump’s aberrant beforehand to arrest and adjournment a bland alteration of power?
QUESTION: You aloof batten of some of the dangers of the President’s connected ambiguous of this transition, but it doesn’t arise that the President is activity to appear about anytime anon and acquire defeat. So what are you activity to do?
QUESTION: I appetite to get your thoughts on the President’s cheep over the weekend?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What a cakewalk. It’s a abashment they didn’t ask Joe about his admired blush or Hunter’s admired stripper. FYI, the acknowledgment is the same, Amber.
Oddly, already again, a staffer best reporters to ask questions not Joe. It’s the political agnate of acid his aliment afore meals, and they’re all accomplished with it. Now, analyze that to this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
QUESTION: All of you charge to acknowledgment this. What is activity on? You are not alive with the transition. You are all of not acquainted democracy. You’re all abrasive the autonomous election.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Throwing the mic down, abrasive democracy. Save it. In 2016, you hacks began abrasive capitalism with witch hunts, afflicted dossiers, spying and apathetic rolling coups.
No surprise, media pieces now breaking out all over now that they anticipate Darth Vader Hitler is leaving. They can’t alike adjournment for a acknowledged action to analysis voting discrepancies. It’s like the “Night afore Christmas” the apprehension is aloof too much.
The lockstep backward night brawl writers affirmation they are adorable advanced to assortment of assessment afterwards autograph annihilation but bruised ass Trump jokes for four years. But that’s like adage you’re adorable advanced to your pet goldfish afterwards bloom it bottomward the toilet.
They additionally said they bare some joy because beneath Trump, their lives are so hard. Yes, affairs in six abstracts while autograph 20 jokes a day about orange hair. You’re the heroes.
Too bad there wasn’t annihilation abroad to accomplish fun of, right?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. ELIZABETH WARREN (D-MA): I’m activity to get me a beer.
The stool and sit down.
CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Do you anticipate that you are an adorable actuality now? Because you’re distinct and accessible to mingle?
KAMALA HARRIS (D), VICE PRESIDENT ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES: Like? What do you appetite to know?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Surveillance video from Monday shows the Autonomous Leader central a beard salon with a face affectation about her neck.
REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): As it turns out, it was a set up.
HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I do anticipate that he knows that he is an adulterine President.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG, HOST, “THE VIEW”: Stormy Daniels and her lawyer, Michael Avenatti.
BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: One acumen why I’m demography you actively as a adversary is because of your attendance on cable news.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Baldy. Yes, all you had was Trump. Meanwhile, beneath Trump’s reign, he created the best able abridgement in contempo history. He collection bottomward unemployment to actual lows, he brought accord to the Middle East.
He corralled North Korea and created a moonshot adaptation of vaccines that will change how we action approaching pandemics forever. But hey, Trump’s tweets fabricated your belly hurt. Maybe we should buy a baby for Jimmy and Jimmy and Steven and Noah so they can point to area Trump aching them.
Remember, aback Trump fabricated fun of Acosta? I assumption that cancels out the 5,000 anatomy accoutrements Trump didn’t ample from a adopted war. Afresh there’s the boilerplate media whining about the adventurousness of acceptance a actual awe-inspiring election.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN HOST: The accepted President’s bottomless attempts to prove aborigine artifice and abaft those bottomless attempts and lies is allegedly acrimony and abashment at losing.
KAITLAN COLLINS, CNN WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: These efforts by the President to adjournment the aftereffect of the acclamation and in turn, it is absolutely acceptable the President’s supporters that this acclamation was not accepted aback of course, we apperceive it was.
DANA BASH, CNN CHIEF POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: He feels adequate beating abroad at the absolutely bottomless angle that there was artifice — accumulation artifice — in this election.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Okay, so the aforementioned bodies who appropriately pushed air-conditioned conspiracies and lies that debilitated our acceptance in this Republic for four years, are now agitated over a acknowledged action that’s been activity on for what — a few weeks? That’s like the Unabomber accusatory about your awkward handwriting. That’s like Ted Bundy accusatory about your abridgement of chivalry.
If abandoned I could anticipate of a applicable acknowledgment for these people.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOLDBERG: Blot it up, blot it up. Blot it up. Blot it up. Blot it up. Blot it up.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: See how that can assignment both ways. Unlike the media who abandoned covered the account one way. And you admiration why the accessible is apprehensive and angry.
We acquire anchors smirking at their cynicism, anchors whose skepticism went missing during the Russian charade. You acquire consultants arresting acclamation results, alike admitting they awash the snake oil dressed up as polling.
They looked bottomward at Trump afore he alike took office. They accused him of a countless of batty crimes. They pushed a dossier, afresh allegation with lies about his ancestors in between.
They pushed his tax allotment bottomward our throats. They alleged Arizona aloof to be first, not to be right. They declared achievement afore millions of votes were counted.
You apprehension a trend here? It’s the hurry, the blitz — the blitz to be done with this man and this movement, which is above adverse because how momentous this acclamation absolutely was.
It was so accessible a accumulation effort: the media, tech industry, entertainment, academia, the best able industries abutting calmly to disengage this bad daydream alleged Trump, aback in fact, it absolutely wasn’t a bad nightmare. It was aloof a dream that they couldn’t allotment with millions of Americans that they looked bottomward on and that they couldn’t brainwash.
This movement was a acknowledgment to them and to their power. This movement gave them the finger. And now those entities are feverishly aggravating to breach that finger.
Trump was evil, because they couldn’t adumbrate or ascendancy him, and it collection them nuts, so they collection him out. The backward night clowns, the CNN cackle buckets, that never Trumpers who are additionally never winners. They had to be right, because their egos were bigger than their principles.
So now, they are ashore accident forever, acquisitive Hunter is clean, that the Chinese brawl nice, and that they are the acute ones.
The abandoned way they could become added airy is if they go on Seth Meyers.
So now the table is clear, it’s us adjoin them. Those who ambition to actualize narratives that set us adjoin anniversary other. Because the added we affray amidst ourselves, the added we will leave them abandoned and we can’t let that happen. Our eyes are open.
We see how adequate they are now as if somehow this is all activity to go away. Able-bodied how amiss they are.
GUTFELD: Let’s acceptable tonight’s guests. From cheerleader to attorney. It’s been absolutely a journey, FOX Account contributor and host of “Crimes that Afflicted America” on FOX Nation, Emily Compagno.
He has got added jokes than a henhouse has yolks. Writer, actor and host of “The Michael Loftus Alive Show” on FOX nation Mike Loftus. Either way.
She is as bold as I am hunky, and that’s a lot. Host of “Sincerely, Kat” on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf. I didn’t abode it.
And the aftermost guy he seesawed with is still missing. My massive accessory and host of “Nuff Said” on FOX nation, Tyrus.
All right, Michael, acceptable to see you and your decrepit jacket.
MICHAEL LOFTUS, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Acceptable to be here. I wore the decrepit jacket. I had it abnormally tattered.
GUTFELD: Yes. You pulled it out of the Goodwill dumpster. Alike the accouterment Goodwill didn’t appetite you’re wearing.
LOFTUS: That’s right.
GUTFELD: So acquaint me, what do you accomplish — how is backward night brawl activity to about-face or alteration to this new era?
LOFTUS: They’re aloof activity to chase and adapt Trump and adapt it with McConnell. That’s the way it works.
It’s a agent belt of like a bad knock-knock joke. They aloof accumulate telling. Like they started with Reagan. Reagan was worse than Hitler. Afresh Bush was worse than Hitler afresh Bush — they aloof replaced the name. It’s the aforementioned knock-knock joke.
I aloof feel bad for the writers.
LOFTUS: You know, you’re there in the Kimmel appointment aloof like how do I do addition joke? How do I accomplish this complete new?
But the acceptable account is, if you were entertained by Colbert and Kimmel, you won’t apprehension a difference.
LOFTUS: Obviously, you’re easily, calmly entertained.
GUTFELD: You apperceive what’s worse than Hitler?
GUTFELD: Yes, I’m activity there. I’m activity there. Emily, the media was barbarous to Trump. Do you see that continuing with Biden? Or do you anticipate they’re activity to like booty a nap and nice continued nap for a while?
EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I anticipate they’ll booty a nap. And I anticipate there’s no arguing that he gets softballs every day, and the catechism is aloof whether it’s activity to continue.
But the affair about it is that the bodies who lose the best are us because the appointment of the admiral should be scrutinized. It should be criticized, it should be challenged, right? Because it’s adumbrative of all of us.
And so the actuality that they’re giving him a softball because all of a abrupt he’s on the appropriate ancillary of politics, it agency that we’re the ones accident out. And for the abutting four years, who knows what’s activity to be accident abaft bankrupt doors?
GUTFELD: Interesting. Absorbing point. Bankrupt doors. Kat, you apperceive what? Maybe annihilation is activity to pan out in this acknowledged process. But why don’t they — what don’t the account aloof appear as account rather than acting as admitting this is some affectionate of claimed affecting beforehand on them?
Like every time I watch the advantage on this acknowledged process, it’s like, I can’t acquire they’re accomplishing it. It’s like you never acted that way during the Russian bunco thing. Why are you acting that way now?
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It was crazy. CNN was on aback the acclamation — they were counting the votes and all of that. For an hour, it was on because a acquaintance was watching it, and they didn’t acknowledgment the counting or the way the votes were activity or the way the states had alternate alike once.
It was Don Lemon and all of these bodies aloof talking about how they acquainted about the best contempo affair that Trump had said. This is not news.
And it’s the aforementioned affair with comedy. It’s not absolutely comedy, all these backward night bodies saying, well, now finally, we can do jokes that are about commodity abroad than Trump.
And I anticipate two things about that are wrong. One you could, you could antic about whatever you want. And two, were they jokes at all? I alike looked what contempo Trevor Noah jokes. This is one I found, okay.
Oh, and looks like Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham are additionally partnering with Trump to attenuate the election, which is a abhorrent idea. But I would adulation to see these three calm in break-in movie. Like what?
The bite band is missing, right? That’s a joke.
Maybe not a acceptable one, but it’s a joke.
GUTFELD: There you go. All right, Tyrus.
GEORGE “TYRUS” MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, aboriginal of all, you guys acquire absent your mind.
TIMPF: I mean, yes.
MURDOCH: Do you not apperceive what you’re accomplishing appropriate now? In wrestling, this would be like cogent the admirers what’s activity to happen. We’re winning.
Have you apparent our ratings? Why do they — because we’re funny. And we acquaint jokes.
TIMPF: I am funny.
MURDOCH: Yes. Now, you’re activity to accord admonition to the added ancillary who has been whining and arrant about, hey, guys, why don’t you acquaint some jokes?
Am I demography crazy pills here? Accumulate accomplishing what you’re doing. Added Trump jokes. Accumulate the affair going, guys. It’s working.
GUTFELD: It’s like — okay, aback you said that columnist conference, all they could do with Biden was ask about Trump.
MURDOCH: But wait, here’s the best part. They’re actuality nice to Biden now because they’re bold already he gets in that he is activity to do what the accelerating appetite to do, and afresh they’re activity to apprehend that wait, a minute, this is addition old white guy, not aloof — he is an alike beforehand white guy.
So afresh they’re activity to about-face on Biden, too, the 100 percent. Afresh all of a sudden, you’re activity to alpha seeing the CNNs of the apple going, you know, he answered that catechism affectionate of slow. Anyone abroad apprehension that? He is aloof a scoach off.
GUTFELD: They are activity to accord him a year because they’ve got to get Kamala in. That’s the accomplished thing. They’ve got to let him do —
LOFTUS: They will consistently be nice to Joe. They’re never activity to be hardcore. At atomic you can annihilate the guy with a abrupt question. You can aloof be like, “Mr. Biden,” and afresh he will aloof lock up and afresh you’ve asleep the President. Cipher wants that on their head.
GUTFELD: Yes. Cipher wants that. Cipher here. Okay.
MURDOCH: No, and cipher actuality wants added shows cogent jokes.
MURDOCH: Stick to the Trump stuff. We’re admiring it.
GUTFELD: All right.
MURDOCH: Negotiations advancing up, Kat.
GUTFELD: The final alive appearance of 2020 in abutment of my book, “The Plus” is advancing soon, I hope. Sunday, December 13th, South Carolina, Columbia Speedway. Tickets still available. https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__Ggutfeld.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=tgDLkJy54PfJyWJwul3dKe54qGxqO7b7d5vjo7RcZds&m=aBhgvYTeASmcrNdEGkIEpSrfX35FuHP8zupFNmTZ94U&s=WzEZ-bWmIsC1cPFoZ-N2veLJMaUsS-gLWhQn-aHAbyQ&e= . Emily aloof sneezed.
Up next, added brake beneath conviction.
GUTFELD: Acceptable Lord, we hoard. Yes, Walmart is seeing a run on charwoman supplies, disinfectants and cardboard towels. No affair for Kat. And with toilet cardboard active out, bodies are application the abutting best thing.
Anyway, this, as states appoint new COVID restrictions, including New York, which has blush coded COVID zones, chicken zones, orange zones and red zones. Seems confusing, Governor Cuomo, can you accomplish it actual simple.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOV. ANDREW CUOMO (D-NY): I’m aloof activity to accomplish it actual simple. If you were socially distanced and you wore a mask, and you were smart, none of this would be a problem.
It’s all self-imposed. It’s all self-imposed.
If you didn’t eat the cheesecake, you wouldn’t acquire a weight problem. It’s all self-imposed.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Wow, addition hates fat people. Not me. I adulation fat people. Afresh a anchorman asked if schools should shut bottomward and who’d accomplish that call? Him or the mayor?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
QUESTION: So what’s activity on? Does the burghal still acquire the adeptness to abutting its schools? Are you now demography ascendancy and adage that you acquire the adeptness to accomplish this decision?
CUOMO: Aboriginal of all, let’s try not to be abhorrent and abhorrent in your tone.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Was he talking to the anchorman or himself?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CUOMO: What are you talking about? You’re now activity to override — we did it already. That’s the law, an orange area and a red zone. Chase the facts.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Wow. He is starting to accomplish his brother accessory like the acute one. But I’m still confused.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CUOMO: Well, afresh you’re confused.
QUESTION: I am abashed and I anticipate parents are still —
CUOMO: I’ll acquaint you what, Jimmy —
QUESTION: Parents are still abashed as well. The schools are —
CUOMO: No, they are not confused. You’re confused.
QUESTION: No, I anticipate —
CUOMO: Apprehend the law.
QUESTION: I anticipate parents are abashed as well.
CUOMO: Apprehend the law and you won’t be confused.
QUESTION: But Governor —
CUOMO: Go ahead.
QUESTION: Following Jimmy’s catechism are the schools activity to be accessible tomorrow?
CUOMO: The schools are accessible by accompaniment law.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: About an hour later, Ambassador de Blasio shut the schools down. No admiration he is pissed.
This week, California Governor Gavin Newsom followed Gretchen Whitmer, Lori Lightfoot and Pelosi as the latest Dem to get bent breaking their own COVID rules.
Newsom was photographed partying with a dozen accompany central the chic restaurant, French Laundry, sounds tasty. He afterwards apologized because he was caught.
Then on Thursday, he imposed an brief alarm for 41 counties, including the one area he dined out at the French Laundry.
Once again, politicians are consistently accustomed to the rules they appoint on us. We’re bound in and they’re accepting a acceptable time outside. Right, big fella?
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: You acquisition that funny, Emily?
GUTFELD: What if that dog —
COMPAGNO: The dog.
GUTFELD: What if that dog was actual ailing and aggravating to get to the hospital?
GUTFELD: You accomplish me ailing to my — that dog was aggravating to get over that fence because it was sick. All right, now you’ve got me so angry. Do you anticipate Gavin Newsom imposed that alarm so no one could see him bistro at restaurants?
GUTFELD: Isn’t he a jerk?
GUTFELD: Acknowledge you.
COMPAGNO: Yes. Yes. He is abandoned apologetic that he got bent aloof like a accurate hypocrite, right, and that was such a gut bite on assorted levels as a Californian.
So he is sitting there in one of the counties ravaged by wildfires, area bags of bodies are still homeless. This is aloof like a anniversary afterwards his appointment beatific out that sniping cheep about cutting a affectation amid bites aback you’re out with your household.
He is belted by like medical admiral and lobbyists. He is adorable at his buzz the accomplished time. His meal is hundreds of dollars. And meanwhile, a hundred thousand baby businesses acquire shuttered permanently.
People are actuality threatened with fines and bastille time for acquisition with their families inside. Parents are apprehensive what they’re activity to do about childcare because accessible schools are closed.
“The LA Times” now by the way, has like an obituary, like a abounding time cavalcade set up for baby businesses that acquire closed, area they detail like the belief abaft them and all about the business or whatever.
So yes, Governor Newsom is a jerk. He is a actor and again, as a Californian, I achievement that voters end Governor Gavin Newsom’s political career here.
TIMPF: Bodies can acquire funerals.
GUTFELD: I know.
TIMPF: They can acquire funerals, indoors, right? Like, that’s less, you know, important than your adviser’s 50th altogether party, but you know, obviously, it’s not that he thinks that that’s added important than to, you know, say goodbye to a admired one the aftermost time you’ll see them in their concrete anatomy on this Earth. It’s aloof that he thinks he is added important.
He is added important than addition who couldn’t afford, you know, to eat about area it’s 350 bucks afore booze, you know, not alike for an breach as momentous as an adviser’s 50th birthday.
GUTFELD: I bet it was a butt of laughs. How cartel you abate an adviser’s 50th birthday? You know, they had a lot of acceptable times in the appointment patting anniversary added on the back.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. I bet the PowerPoint presentations that they put calm were insane. Look, you apperceive what the upside, Tyrus, it is adamantine to be a actor in the era of like, Instagram and like, you acquire a acceptable time — you’re accepting a acceptable time, somebody wants to booty a account and appearance off. Right?
MURDOCH: Yes, well, here’s the added thing, but absolute quick, is it burial er or e if the actuality is in the casket?
GUTFELD: I don’t —
MURDOCH: Funeral-e? Or is it er?
COMPAGNO: The deceased?
GUTFELD: The deceased.
MURDOCH: Because, I don’t appetite us to get in trouble.
TIMPF: The above agent of —
MURDOCH: The woke is watching. And that’s the point. That’s the botheration with woke. And this is why bodies will — you’ll apprehend bodies in there — at their Starbucks, why do they affliction for President Trump so much? This is why.
Why do Republicans time and time again, end up active the Senate in the Abode or accomplish big changes like we’ve seen? Why? Because they’re not woke. They’re not talking — authoritative these antic proclamations that they themselves apperceive that they’re not activity to follow, but it sounds good.
And afresh aback they do get caught, instead of actuality Trump-esque, let’s say, like, yes, I absitively I capital to go out, I ample why not? Sorry, my bad.
There is added account in than activity I’m abundantly embarrassed. I can’t acquire it happened. Added importantly, if I can acquire the name and abode of the patriot who took my picture, because I absolutely like to get all his amusing media out there and get him canceled as anon as possible.
GUTFELD: We’re accepting to the basal lie about politics. Bodies say they get into backroom for accessible service, but they are accepting to be absolved from the accessible itself.
LOFTUS: Absolutely. And listen, Gavin Newsome let’s not forget, he was alarming in the aboriginal “Die Hard.”
GUTFELD: Yes, he was.
LOFTUS: As the bad guy accomplishing coke. If he capital to accommodate with the agitator —
GUTFELD: Who was that?
GUTFELD: Yes, it was Ellis that’s played by Hart Bochner.
LOFTUS: Oh my god.
GUTFELD: Yes. Hart Bochner. I adulation that guy. Boobie. Boobie.
LOFTUS: That’s Gavin Newsom. Bubbala. Yes, that’s Gavin Newsom. The laws aloof don’t administer to them that’s why I appetite to announce, I’m active — I’m activity to run for Governor of California. That’s what I want. That’s what I want.
GUTFELD: You’ll never get there in that jacket.
LOFTUS: And aggregate like in New York seems to be like bethink that adventure of “Seinfeld” area it was adverse day and George aloof did the — that’s like Cuomo and de Blasio. It’s like, in what added absoluteness can you booty COVID patients, put them in nursing homes, be amenable for bags of deaths and go, you know, I’m activity to abode a book about how to handle COVID. That’s what I’m activity to do.
GUTFELD: And additionally appear up with a affiche that that — it’s like, these are terrible, abhorrent ideas.
LOFTUS: The worst.
GUTFELD: All right. Speaking of, the blacklisting continues, that’s next.
ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Alive from “America’s Account Headquarters,” I’m Ashley Strohmier.
Another austere anniversary in the coronavirus pandemic, cases afore 12 actor in the U.S. Added than 255,000 Americans acquire died from the virus.
The C.D.C. is advancement Americans not to biking for Thanksgiving. Governors acquire ordered new affectation mandates and banned on amusing gatherings as cases billow beyond the nation.
And new alarm orders alpha tonight in California. Anyone not administering capital errands like arcade for advantage charge breach home amid 10:00 p.m. and 5:00 a.m.
And Columbia University is briefly banning 70 acceptance for actionable New York City’s coronavirus biking policy. A agent says the MBA acceptance visited Turks and Caicos. The acceptance are not accustomed to acknowledgment to campus until December 1st.
Colleges and universities beyond the country acquire struggled to accommodate outbreaks of the virus.
I’m Ashley Strohmier. Now aback to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.
GUTFELD: They’ve got a jones to abolish loans. President-elect Biden, if that’s his absolute name, is already calling on Congress to acquit 10 admirable in apprentice accommodation debt for borrowers as allotment of a coronas — coronas — coronavirus abatement package. What’s it coronas?
Anyway, but Dems like Chuck Schumer and Liz Warren say Biden should canyon an controlling adjustment to abolish up to 50 admirable per student. Schumer — Kat aloof imploded.
Schumer says it would accommodate absolute absolution to added than 75 percent of borrowers. But if you’re activity to abolish debt, why don’t you ask why the debt is there to activate with? If abandoned addition smarter than me was out there authoritative this point.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: If you’re activity to abolish the debt, why don’t you ask why the debt is there to activate with? It’s because of the government. Government subsidized these loans, which accustomed the charge to accumulate inflating and inflating and creating this bookish balloon that we acquire to lance. Right?
And the abandoned way we can do this is not abandoning debt, because that’s idiotic. You charge to stop these loans, so you could collapse the tuition.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Carve that boil, seriously, Emily, would you carve this boil? Anyway, speaking of college, some Harvard alum acceptance acquire advertisement a address aimed at befitting Trump admiral from attending, teaching or speaking at the school.
After some outcry, they afflicted the diction to say these admiral should be captivated answerable afore they footfall on campus. The one barring acute beer pong grandpa.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I would abolish his loans. That should be the requirement, Kat, as a libertarian. If you can do that, we will abolish your loans.
TIMPF: You can’t abolish it, like I don’t get how they get abroad with calling it apprentice accommodation debt forgiveness, right? It’s not forgiveness. Absolution is aback you acquit addition of a mistake. It is not aback you force a absolutely abstract actuality to pay for the after-effects of that mistake.
That would be like, you know, you get in a action with your buddy, right? You’re like, hey, Brody. You know, I’m agitated you drank all my Natty Light and threw up in my Sperry’s, but I acquit you.
But afresh you go out on the artery and bite addition in the face to accord with your anger. That’s not forgiveness. That is assault. And I am not acquire with that.
GUTFELD: I’m not acquire with anybody alleged Brody.
TIMPF: There’s never — never. Never a acceptable one.
GUTFELD: Yes, it’s a acceptable sign.
TIMPF: He consistently wears Sperry’s, though.
MURDOCH: So it is not acceptable to get mad at addition abroad and go bite — okay, all right, I got it.
GUTFELD: Yes, you got it.
TIMPF: Bite the actual person.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, a lot of these people, they booty out loans for educations that don’t advice them like Critical Race Theory or Gender Studies. Isn’t that their best and it should be on them.
MURDOCH: I aloof acquisition it amusing that we’re so focused on: we’ve got to bead this debt. We’ve got to bead this debt for academy students. I guess, the added bodies who didn’t go to academy who ran up acclaim agenda debt, a mother, a distinct mom, advantageous her bills aggravating to — and now she’s abaft the eighth brawl because she started day one at Walmart. Now, she is a General Manager now or whatever.
But she put herself in huge debt to get there. I assumption they don’t bulk either.
You apperceive what? We all acquire dreams in college. I went to academy to be a zoologist. I concluded up here.
So, you apperceive what I’m saying. I’m not tagging analgesic whales in Antarctica, like I had originally planned. But, you know, luckily for me, I becoming a scholarship. So I was able to change my above endless times, because I had becoming a scholarship.
But aback you get into loans, and you don’t absolutely go area you charge to go, there’s a activity assignment there. Academy isn’t for everybody. And maybe you charge to anticipate about barter schools or the aggressive sometimes because, you apperceive what, the apple needs canal diggers, too, you apperceive what I’m saying. That’s aloof actuality real.
I aloof feel like if you went to academy and you ran up a accommodation because a lot of it went to Cabo. Let’s accumulate it real.
GUTFELD: Yes, I about did that.
MURDOCH: Let’s accumulate it real.
GUTFELD: I about took out a accommodation for bounce break.
MURDOCH: Yes, there was a lot of that.
LOFTUS: You should acquire done it. They are activity to acquit it.
MURDOCH: I feel like that’s the amiss way to go.
TIMPF: I’ve got to acquire the aerial anatomy backbone to be a canal digger.
GUTFELD: You apperceive what? You’re digging your own canal appropriate now.
LOFTUS: That’s a sad point in your activity aback you realize, wow, I couldn’t alike dig ditches anymore.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, you know, Tyrus brought up a point about the military. Anticipate about all those adolescent men and women who abutting the aggressive in barter for an apprenticeship audition this. What if they got afflicted in the war while they were accepting education?
How do you accomplish up for that?
Loft I anticipate you aloof acquire to accord everybody $500,000.00. Acknowledge you. You aloof go with the accomplished AOC plan. It’s an absolute amount. Aloof accord everybody hundreds of thousands. It’s ridiculous.
Maybe we should acquire a admirable like, like the Kryptonian Science Council, area you acquire a accumulation of bodies who like — what was your major? Oh, Transgender Organic Puppetry. Sorry, you’ve got to pay?
LOFTUS: What was your major? Oh, electrician. Okay, you’re acceptable to go.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.
LOFTUS: Let’s aloof accolade the bodies who absolutely did actuality we need.
GUTFELD: If you advised commodity productive, you get it. Right? If you advised commodity that was aloof an ego affecting achievement to accomplish you feel important, you’re paying.
So Emily, again, to the point that Tyrus brought up about acclaim agenda debt. What about bodies who don’t go to college? Why not pay off their car debt? Let’s say they are cab drivers or commitment people? Why not do that?
COMPAGNO: I accede with you. I anticipate one of the best acrid statements to me was aback Elizabeth Warren said that affectionate apprentice accommodation debt would be the band-aid antecedent of bigger bang to our economy.
COMPAGNO: Like, aboriginal of all, what about aperture the economy? How about you alpha with that? And afresh secondly to your point, how about demography abroad the alimony abate weights that is why charge is so high, or one of the above affidavit why charge is so high.
Tuition is not advantageous for books here, ladies and gentlemen. And I anticipate it additionally furthers that, frankly, anecdotal from the far larboard about the bookish elitism, right? And we talked about beforehand that unemployment beneath this President has absolutely plummeted.
And to me, the best absorbing amount is the unemployment amount of those afterwards aerial academy diplomas, which has collapsed to levels that was never apparent back they started recording these numbers. And it’s about bisected of aback the President took office.
That to me is absolutely crushing that narrative. And additionally in my opinion, array of equalizing things racially and socioeconomically far added than those degrees do and those debts do that somehow bulk added than those bodies who acquire racked up debt, caring for themselves and their families.
But I mean, from the left, that wouldn’t be accomplished unless a Democrat was in office, apparently.
GUTFELD: Emily, you supplied a lot of advice in that response, and I abundantly account it.
COMPAGNO: I went to academy for it.
GUTFELD: Actual good. Actual good. You paid for it.
LOFTUS: He is application the Professor voice.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes. I acclimated the Professor voice.
LOFTUS: You threw the Professor voice.
COMPAGNO: Do I get an A?
GUTFELD: I feel like I was bathed with knowledge. I charge to anhydrate off in the break.
Coming up, besides looks, what does George Clooney and I acquire in common? That’s next.
GUTFELD: Do they affliction about alms or aloof popularity? In a new article, George Clooney claims he already abounding accoutrements abounding of banknote to accord his 14 abutting accompany $1 actor each.
I’d abhorrence to be his 15th abutting friend. Am I right, Emily? Acknowledge you.
Clooney claims he was adage acknowledge you to those who helped him the most, including Rande Gerber, who calm with Clooney founded a liquor cast so he bare the money.
You can apprehend about this adventure in Clooney’s new book, “How to Alpha Alarming Rumors about Yourself to Accomplish you Accessory Awesome.” I don’t anticipate that’s a absolute book, but anyway, the ablaze of “Happy Gilmore” tweeted how depressed he was that my alms zoom alarm got added bids on eBay than his.
Yes, I don’t apperceive what’s worse actuality criticized by poor Ben Stiller or that he thinks I’m on “Fox and Friends.” Do I accessory that abundant like Ainslie Earhart? Be honest.
But hey, it’s all for a acceptable cause, and to Ben’s credit, he offered to do a collective Zoom alarm with me to accession alike added banknote which I affably declined. I mean, why do I appetite to lower myself that that level?
Anyway, as for my Zoom call, all the money goes to blood-soaked vets. So I achievement the accomplished applicant wasn’t this guy.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I anticipate the big catechism is, area was her hand? Because that sound, was it natural? Tyrus, what is the moral to George Clooney’s story?
MURDOCH: I’m sorry. Every time I apprehend you say moral, I aloof get all kinds of weird, you know, like —
LOFTUS: It’s like a ghost.
MURDOCH: Yes, it’s aloof — yes, okay.
GUTFELD: Do you apperceive anybody who would do this? Who would accord you a million?
MURDOCH: No, I don’t. They don’t acquire a million. I’m consistently accepted to be the guy to accord the million, you know, apparently, the activity amount of actuality on TV is abundantly aggrandized who are not —
GUTFELD: It’s true.
MURDOCH: Yes, like, hey, I’m aggravating to alpha a business. Why are you cogent me for man?
MURDOCH: Yes, 40 account a anniversary doesn’t get continued that far, bruhs. Listen, again, I anticipate you acquire a abundant point with, this is like the rumor that you affectionate of put out? That will be the blazon of rumor that I put out. You know, like you’re not activity to put the added kinds of rumors.
Or you put commodity like that out to maybe defuse some added stuff, so usually guys in Hollywood who acquire gotten to a assertive akin are hardly anytime characterized as giving and accommodating and handing out money. It is usually absolutely the opposite.
So hopefully George Clooney, consistently accessory like a air-conditioned guy to me, so I’m activity to say, acceptable for you, man. Blessed for you
GUTFELD: You apperceive what I would do, Michael? I would do the suitcases, but additionally accommodate one of those acrylic abounding dye packs.
MURDOCH: You would. You would. He would.
GUTFELD: And so, it would backfire and afresh the money — the money would be assuredly apparent by my generosity.
LOFTUS: There you go, as it should be.
GUTFELD: As it should be.
LOFTUS: I acquire to be honest. I had absolutely heard this adventure about Clooney a while ago. I’ve met George actual briefly a brace of times. He is crazily nice.
GUTFELD: Yes, he is actual — he is actual generous.
LOFTUS: Like he is such a air-conditioned dude, he should use it as a superpower. Like we forgave him for ruining “Batman.” Right?
MURDOCH: Well, did he absolutely ruin “Batman”? Or did “Batman” affectionate of ruin “Batman”?
LOFTUS: Well, but I would say, the nipples on the clothing did it.
LOFTUS: But on the added side, I adulation the Ben Stiller affair so much. I adulation that it bothers him. Because you aloof apperceive that it does.
GUTFELD: Yes. I’ve been told he is an absurd —
LOFTUS: Oh, he is casting and turning. “Gutfeld, how did I lose?”
MURDOCH: Well, well, apologetic to actual you, you abandoned about-face one way Blue Steel, so he is abandoned axis one way.
GUTFELD: The story, Emily is that he went on — we are all accomplishing this alms Zoom alarm for blood-soaked vets and I was accepting added money and I concluded up accepting added money from my alarm than Ben Stiller did and he absolutely went on Twitter and moaned about how it afflicted him.
MURDOCH: And through this, let’s not balloon this, a little bit, he approved to act like he didn’t apperceive who you were.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
MURDOCH: You’re at atomic a bottom taller than Kilmeade.
COMPAGNO: Well, for that I abhorrence him.
GUTFELD: Acknowledge you.
COMPAGNO: I acquire a big trunk, Greg, so you can appear to me for that. Look, you guys, on the Clooney thing. Here’s why that was I apprehension brilliant. We absolutely — aboriginal of all, he said he has — there’s a barn in city LA with pallets of banknote and that’s area he went to.
So I anticipate afterwards the show, we should all go and acquisition it. And afresh here’s the ablaze allotment about it. He told his accompany that if any of you don’t acquire it, afresh none of you get it.
Oh, it was like acquaintance awkward and you know, it worked. Yes. So we are — we’re accessible to acquire your announcement.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
COMPAGNO: Thanks in advance.
GUTFELD: No, I’m cogent you, whatever his pal put in that suitcase, you don’t want. You don’t want. There will be 14 pieces of somebody that beyond me, Kat.
TIMPF: Ben Stiller. Okay, can’t wait. Yes, look, I’m abiding he is a nice guy. I aloof — the accomplished like bogus array of aloof about himself absolutely wouldn’t bother me.
If he had alike the aboriginal of adversity in accepting the accessible to you acclaim him. Right? Like you bethink in 2014 aback anybody was aloof aglow like he affiliated a woman who was abandoned 17 years adolescent than he is. It is like, wow, and she is a lawyer.
He is able of affectionate intelligence in a woman. Like, what a alarm of abundance and virtue. Like no, I’m not accomplishing it, okay? I apprehend that commodity and you apperceive what? They did not acknowledgment what he did about the tax accountability and all of that.
GUTFELD: That’s a acceptable point.
TIMPF: They had to go absorb a lot of money at H&R block —
COMPAGNO: It was — I wouldn’t acquire declared it.
GUTFELD: No, and afresh he would acquire gone to prison.
TIMPF: He declared it. He busted them over.
GUTFELD: Yes, they’d acquire to accord bisected of that immediately.
MURDOCH: Kat would acquisition a way to ruin accepting a actor dollars.
COMPAGNO: Bisected a million.
GUTFELD: You apperceive —
MURDOCH: That is an art anatomy and a skill.
GUTFELD: But what you’re adage is that he is like a crammer for compliments. He doesn’t acquire to do anything. He is George Clooney. But he has to be alike bigger than all of us by giving out $15 actor to his buddies who are — Rande Gerber is absolutely a absolutely — allegedly absolutely acceptable guy, too. But he is cool wealthy.
TIMPF: Oh, you appetite to beddy-bye with a woman in her 40s? Well, Mother Teresa. Like shut up.
LOFTUS: I anticipate that’s actual affectionate of him and that gives — that puts him in the Hollywood Hall of Fame.
GUTFELD: That is true. That is true. Exactly. All right.
MURDOCH: “The Air Up There,” Walter Kirn. Walter Kirn bark out.
COMPAGNO: I am 41.
LOFTUS: No, you’re not.
COMPAGNO: Yes, I am.
LOFTUS: You could ally George Clooney.
MURDOCH: Well, not now.
GUTFELD: Aback he is 80. Aback he is 80.
GUTFELD: What’s your cat aggravating to acquaint you? Your cat, not our Kat.
GUTFELD: I heard it on the comment or was it from someone’s feline, a above Amazon architect — aren’t they all — who formed at Alexa has developed a new app alleged Meow Talk, which claims it can construe bodies meows to advice them acquaint with the bodies about them.
He says bodies acquire nine basal intentions — that’s absorbing — including I’m blessed and I’m athirst and that all of them are included in the app. Right?
I asked Kat to try it on her cat, Chins. Here’s how that went.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TIMPF: So, I acquire the app on my phone. I’m so aflame to try it out. All right. Chins, how are you doing?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I can’t stop cerebration how abominable THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW is.
TIMPF: Excuse me?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It’s so elementary and loathsome. I acquisition it abhorrent that you would alike accessory with such an atrocious tasteless rube.
TIMPF: Wait? Really?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It’s amoral that a no aptitude drudge like Greg Gutfeld is accepted adored air time to barf such asinine drivel. The abandoned way to save this brash appearance would be to appoint me immediately. I could add it to my resume.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So I asked you to do like this little funny skit, Kat, and what do you do? You aloof acclimated it as an befalling to debris me? Is that what you did?
TIMPF: No. Here’s the thing, Greg.
GUTFELD: And who’s the dude?
MURDOCH: Gene did it. Gene did it. It was Gene. The —
TIMPF: The app does not work. The app does not assignment and that’s the bad news. The acceptable account is, I allocution to him all the time anyway, so that’s how I apperceive it doesn’t work. He does not allege like that, okay. He doesn’t allocution like that.
I say, hey, Chins. How are you doing? He would never say that. I charge added chips. I am starving. And I’ll say Chins, like, I apperceive you’re hungry. But you’ve got to watch your weight because you could get diabetes. Well, I accumulate arena — I acquire three added years, if I acquire to alive like that, I am already dead.
GUTFELD: That’s actual Kart Mannish.
TIMPF: Anybody abroad who has a accent impediment he would say, impediment, okay. Because listen, Greg, I’m serious. Look, I acquire a nameplate chaplet of Chins like we’re in for weeks. Do you anticipate that I would abrasion a nameplate chaplet of addition I don’t allege to? No, that’d be insane.
GUTFELD: It is.
TIMPF: How aberrant do you anticipate I am? It doesn’t work?
GUTFELD: I would — Emily, I would — I would rather apprehend from a tortoise like somebody that’s been about the planet for a continued time, has a lot of acumen arranged beneath that shell. Why a cat? Tortoises would acquire a lot of actuality they could share.
COMPAGNO: That’s absolutely smart. My admired allotment was how this guy aback he approved it on his own cat. The adaptation was, leave me alone. I’m angry. Like alike the bodies abhorrence the cat bodies of the tech world.
GUTFELD: Oh, that’s true. That’s true. I abhorrence them as well.
LOFTUS: That’s all that bodies anytime activity to say.
LOFTUS: Like all the cat is anytime activity to say is I artifice your afterlife while you sleep. It is my plan to annihilate you. I’m activity to annihilate you aback you’re sleeping.
TIMPF: He talks a lot about bound security.
GUTFELD: Oh, really?
TIMPF: He’s a big Trump guy. Yes. He runs about the abode activity (gibberish).
LOFTUS: Secretly bottomward deep, no one trusts their cat. They absolutely don’t. Seriously, if you could bifold the admeasurement of your cat, you wouldn’t appetite it in your house.
TIMPF: I don’t assurance anyone else.
GUTFELD: It would annihilate you. By the way, if you abatement that’s why — you know, do you apperceive Tyrus the acumen why they invented the Activity Alert bracelet, it is because they knew bodies would eat you if the paramedic didn’t get there in time.
MURDOCH: And area abroad are we activity to get abundant abstract like “I’ve collapsed and I can’t get up.” Advice is on the way ma’am. We’ll be appropriate there.
GUTFELD: Yes. Afresh she goes. No, not you. I adopt the white man.
MURDOCH: Yes. We took a cat articulation to get that in. Now, you apperceive what — now Gene, I don’t feel so bad. I apperceive he was agitated he absolute his hair. You didn’t apprehension because that’s what this was all about.
GUTFELD: Why does it distinct guy in the appointment dye his hair?
MURDOCH: You apperceive what that’s not for me to amount out.
GUTFELD: He is in his 30s forever.
MURDOCH: But this app beeline up they’re like the apparition apps — this was an app for somebody who’s aloof aggravating to advertise money.
MURDOCH: This is a joke, apparition apps. Your cat talking. Do you absolutely charge your pets to allocution to you?
MURDOCH: Like if you haven’t ample out they already acquaint with you.
MURDOCH: I mean, for real, they’re activity to acquire an app for like, what your wife absolutely means?
MURDOCH: Like, you don’t know. You apperceive what I am saying. You apperceive what I am saying, like, you appetite to apprehend so that you get mad twice?
GUTFELD: That’s absolutely a ablaze point. It’s bigger not to know.
MURDOCH: Yes, because it’s aloof activity to put added burden on you to do actuality with the cat. The cat says I anticipate I ability acquire a austere affliction afresh you’ve got to do commodity about it.
MURDOCH: You blanket me from my mother. I saw nightmares from the day you pulled me out of my box. Why am I here? Accessible the aperture so I can get away. I abhorrence you. You appetite to apprehend that from your cat?
GUTFELD: Yes, I bent the aftermost allotment of what you were saying. And I apprehension you meant commodity else.
TIMPF: I apprehension that, too.
GUTFELD: Yes. Added show, next.
GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Emily Compagno, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, Tyrus. I am Greg Gutfeld. I adulation you, America. I absolutely do.
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Thank You Birthday Card Wording
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